Monday, June 25, 2012

The "O" in "Homely", Brochelle Obama

first lady of style she ain't

Michelle Obama's "good" side

Sometimes, all the politics, intrigue, and corruption starts to get me down.  When that happens, I do my best to try and find silver linings in and out among the clouds.  

Men have football to take their minds off of things...but truth be told, I hate football. I'm pretty poor at all sports in general, and as such, I dislike all sports, pretty much, really; I think sports are dumb.  Said dislike at least in part explains my total disdain for the "Olympic Movement."

Fashion is to women what sports are to men, I figure.  It relaxes us in some strange way to look at other women and watch how they rock their look - or not; it relaxes me, at any rate.  So today we'll become a bit more fashion savvy thanks to our national fashion icon, FLOTUS Michelle Obama.

The press has been so very kind to First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama...championing her Let's Move! Campaign, gobbling up her White House garden growth, and nodding approvingly at her keen fashion sense. Indeed, People magazine included Obama in their 100 Most Beautiful People list.

I, however, am not of the same opinion, and do not share the mainstream media's enthusiasm for Michelle Obama's look.  To me, it just seems that there are some folks who want to embrace the thought of a black first family so much that they're willing to overlook the obvious.

I’ve read more than one article comparing Michelle Obama’s style to that of Jacqueline Kennedy.

Born beautiful.
Classy by nature.

Yeah, sure, ok. 

Please:  There's simply no comparison between the two women.

I become physically uneasy when contemplating Obama's
penchant for loud prints and clothes that cinch right under her blah bust-line.
Just one example of Michelle Obama's
want for taste,  fashion sense, and a clue.

Michelle Obama is hardly the black Jackie O, who always had style, and rocked it; no, Shelly O is much more the black Elly Ro.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Michelle Obama - eternally awkward

In Dutch, the expression is "Niet moeder's mooiste" which translates to "not mother's prettiest"...and wow, does it ever fit in this circumstance.  Excepting for time and differences in hue, Shelly and Elly could be body doubles.  It would seem that both women were hit very hard with the exact same ugly stick -- perhaps they’re distant kinfolk, I least we know what Michelle Obama would look like if she were white; we also know what she looked like in the past and how she'll look in the future.

Yesterday's Michelle Huxtable-Obama
Tomorrow's Michelle Obama-Sanford

On a side note...check it out:  our leaders are all kin to each other...and it sure can lead one to wonder about the effects of generational inbreeding.

Call me lookist, but I just can't see myself horizontally bopping with such a motley muttley crew by choice, I don't give a damn what type of pedigree papers they're holding.  Looking back over the presidents of the United States,  there is no presidential model of mom's boyfriend; Lyndon Johnson came close but no cigar...and mom's evil boyfriend Dick Cheney only made it to Vice President.  Barack Obama, however, has NEVER been one of mom's boyfriends.

Speaking as one strongly of the heterosexual persuasion, I must say I prefer the red-blooded common man to most of our leaders -- especially our exotic POTUS,thank you very much.  Lots of women have confessed to desiring Mr. Obama, and dreaming of sexual encounters with him.  But I never have thought Obama was good-looking...have always considered him strangely metrosexual, strangely un-black, strangely un-American, strangely un-presidential, strangely inhuman....just strange -- I mean Mitt Romney-strange, folks, and looking worse each passing day.

I took a look at Michelle Obama’s family to get a better understanding of her facial resemblance and such – after all, consider the striking resemblance between Obama senior and junior -- like two drops of water, no?  Consider his resemblance to any one of  his many kinfolk -- uncanny, no?  I swear, the Obama family intrasimilarity is flat-out staggering -- these people could pass as TWINS, friends.

Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., Barry's dad
Stanley Ann Dunham, Barry's mom

Obama's half-brother, son of Barack Obama Sr.

Obama's half-sister, daughter of Stanley Ann Dunham

Barack Obama with his Kenyan kin

Barry Soetoro with his Indonesian kin

Here’s a snapshot of Michelle’s pa, ma, and her big brah. Mr. and Mrs. Robinson are not necessarily bad-looking; indeed, Gramma Robinson actually looks sorta pretty, despite her resemblance to her daughter.

Tell me that Michelle Obama DOESN'T look like a baby monkey in this pic

While shades of Michelle Obama are visible in the faces of her parents, the family resemblance between brother and sister is absolutely unmistakable. They both have the exact same face.

Mr. and Mrs. Craig Robinson
Big bro and little sis

Robinson coaches basketball for the University of Oregon. Here’s a pic of Mr. and Mrs. Craig. Robinson...which leads me again to ask of Obama once again:

Ya know...I was joshin' about how much Barack Obama resembles his alleged family -- he doesn't...AT ALL.  But just the opposite is true of Michelle Obama and brother Craig.  Here are a few examples demonstrating said similarities -- Craig Robinson looks just like Michelle Obama sans makeup and airbrush:

Despite all the talk and rhetoric about how *together*and in love the Obamas are...I just don't buy it.  I don't think there's even a smidgen of chemistry between them...and their love story literally reeks of horse manure.  I do not believe Barack and Michelle Obama discuss their kids, sex, work, exercise, diet, or how their garden doth grow...

No, this is what the Obamas talk about behind closed doors:


Ah, well, as they say, love is blind...and that’s gotta be something for which Michelle Obama must give thanks each time her face shatters glass.

I have a good friend who has an eye for the ladies, I mean, a real wolf-whistlin' girl-watchin' he-man who tries hard to identify at least one positive attribute in every woman he sees; on the subject of Michelle Obama, his diagnosis was quick; her affliction: "butter face."

“What’s ‘butter face’,”  I asked?

“It’s all good -- but her face!” 

I don't think any of her looks good, though; Michelle Obama puts the "O" in "homely".

The hypocrite talks about craving state-fair-food-on-a-stick...and talks about something rearing up its ugly head -- by now we all know that the ugly-headed entity she's talking about above is her own reflection. I am struck by how every word she spoke back then was a huge lie in the making...and moreover, *struck* by how horribly horribly ugly she is.

Horse pucky;
she doesn't tend this garden, she has a gigantic staff to hoe her rows for her.

Personally, I resent Michelle Obama’s “Let's Move!” campaign – who does she think she is?   Her body shape is less than desirable, she’s none too slim, and I’m sorry, but she really, truly, honestly reminds me of a yeti -- particularly in how she lumbers.  She should worry less about whether or not our kids are too fat (I think her daughter Sasha is fat -- now what?), and more about improving her posture; after all, as with obesity, there are manifold physical maladies associated with poor posture that affect our national health.  Learning to walk in high heels would be a step in the right direction.  A crash course in color coordination could do wonders, along with a gym bag -- for her face…

I really don’t expect Michelle Obama to ever cultivate some style; as our own Jan Tanner proved a long time ago, you either got it or you don’t.  I have it, but usually don’t have enough money to afford it; Michelle Obama and Jan Tanner can easily afford it -- they just don't have any.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What Michelle and Barack Obama both demonstrate is that beauty is only skin deep; but ugly go all the way down to the bone.  Let's not have four more years of their ugly mugs.

Proud to be American