Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Judging Karla Hansen

In one way or another, we've all encountered lawyers -- some of us, perhaps, more than others.

i'm not sure it's her,
or that she was ever a little girl
The Honorable Karla J. Hansen today

I love words and the letter of the law, and grew up aspiring to be a lawyer. Over the years, I've come face to face with my share of them:  working with them, working for them, retaining them, toying with them at the Ritz...

...Ben Matlock, for instance (may he rest in peace),
Ben was Mom's Matlock Boyfriend from *waaay* back in the day.  

Cricket Blair, too, impressed me --
if that doe-eyed dodo could be an attorney, by golly, so could I.

Getting back to the subject:  some attorneys I've resented and others can't ever thank enough...but in one way or the other, I've known lawyers, and I've known them well.

A good lawyer can be a very good thing, a bad one quite another; but one thing certain about lawyers for sure: it's nothing personal -- they're never really your friend. Aloof, proud, and their way with words!  Weighin' 'em before shovin' 'em into others' mouths...twistin' 'em into swords and then skewerin' folks with 'em, all the while carefully metering their own, and billing in 15 minute increments...

...Lawyers:  WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?  Right?  I mean, collectively, they've earned their bad reputation, and typically are not what most of us would define as "nice".

Queen Karla the Heartless

So, the fact that her own peers recommend that she NOT be retained ought to speak VOLUMES about the Honorable Karla J. Hansen, who is up for retention this year, and the ONLY one to receive a DO NOT RETAIN recommendation.

Who arrived at this recommendation?  Why, the people who rubbed shoulders with her in the elevator, who stood next to her in line at the county courthouse basement cafe...passed her by on the way out of the ladies room:  plaintiffs, defendants, clerks, attorneys, judges, journalists:  the ones who, day in and day out, in one capacity or another, have worked with Hansen (or tried to), for more than a decade. They're the ones most familiar with her, and know whereof they speak.

Hansen claims to be a no-nonsense judge who's tough on criminals; well, sometimes, crime is in the eye of the beholder. If it happens to be YOU who Hansen's beholdin'...well, may as well get fitted for your new ball and chain, and comfortable with being labeled a hardened criminal for the rest of your days.  Defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty...except in the Hansen Zone, where your mere appearance before her is sufficient cause to convict you; her bias in favor of the prosecution is as stark and slanted as the nose on her face.   

Heartless Hansen has a tongue like a razor blade, and delights in humiliating and excoriating both defendants AND their attorneys alike...liberally sprinkling her proceedings with heavy-sighed eye-rolls, contemptuous glares, scornful tones, sing-song sneers, and mockingbird laughter -- poisoning the jury subliminally, keeping the defense disadvantaged, and the defendant feeling beaten and pre-defeated.  

And though her docket is filled primarily with crimes of the two-bit type, when it comes time for sentencing, it's Hansen's habit to hurl the book as hard as she can with both of her harsh and heavy hands.

"No nonsense" indeed.  

The fact is that Karla Hansen is her own weakest link, having been repeatedly counseled and warned over the years to check her condescending, disdainful manner.  At this point in time, she's demonstrated a complete inability and/or unwillingness to do so...and continues to progressively worsen, despite the many opportunities she's been given to improve.  

Why hasn't Hansen been able to successfully complete her Performance Improvement Plan??? 
After all, convicts under her command had better keep their mouths shut, meekly obey, and abide absolutely to Hansen's proscribed personal improvement plan -- or else...
...making her a hypocrite of the very worst kind.  

the hypocrites in dante's hell, walking about in their robes made of lead

her draconian discipline
her tenor and temperament
her flaunted hypocrisy 

repeated demonstrations 
of her own poor judgement
suffered by many and witnessed by more

If Hansen can't learn to use better judgement on herself,
how can she rightly judge anyone?  

Karla J. Hansen, a.k.a. Karla Hansen Adkison -- at least that's the name under which she plays on the pro-am tennis circuit (her one true passion). Purportedly married to Tony (must have been one of those sadomasochistic true love connections), and everything I see gives the impression that she's childless -- which is a good thing, considering how she treated my children and me.

It must have been her previous work as a Guardian Ad Litem that gave her that penchant for munching on broken bleeding hearts and swilling down goblets full of teardrops, and started her whole Misery Train to Kangaroo Court a'rollin.  GALs allegedly protect the interest of the child(ren) in civil family court proceedings, but all they really do is impede and confuse an already cumbersome and one-sided process, while blindly tearing families apart and swallowing up children whole.

Why, I'm almost willing to bet that an ultrasound done on Hansen's abdomen would reveal the fully-intact Huntsman, Grandma AND Little Red Riding Hood...along with that passel of kids who disappeared after the Pied Piper came to town.

It's not as though Hansen really NEEDS that cushy judge job, ya know; she's not on foodstamps like so many of those who stand before her; really, the only mouth she needs to worry about feeding is that great big mean one of her own.  With both her smashing tennis game AND her bachelor's degree in nuclear rocket science to fall back upon, I'm sure Hansen would find a way to get by -- even if it meant slinking back down into private practice (though unless you enjoy paying cruel strangers $200+ an hour to degrade and abase you, I don't recommend EVER retaining her).

nurse rached
My four-year experience with Hansen spanned from 2005 to 2009.  It was Hansen who convinced me that for all their limber legalese and Latin linguistics, lawyers are, by and large, a myopic, miserable bunch.  'Twas Hansen who caused me, at the age of 38, to stop loving the law and finally stop aspiring to be a lawyer -- indeed, watching Hansen in action actually made me pity attorneys (!), particularly public defenders...and the lingering effects of the odious role she played in my life is in large part what's kept me from securing employment -- and will...until 2016 at the earliest.

judge constance harm

Several times over the years, I thought to share that painful, personal and protracted experience with you, but always stopped myself short, fearing it would just sound like so many sour grapes.

I would not be relating all of this to you now were Hansen not up for a retention vote and had she not received such a decisive DO NOT RETAIN recommendation from her peers.   I KNOW NOW THAT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO JUST ME!!!

So now I have written it up for your consideration, and will post it, along with Hansen's performance evaluations for you to review -- be on the look-out for that in the next couple of days.

queen of hearts
In closing, unless you or someone you love has been publicly flayed by Hurronnah Hansen, you can neither comprehend nor appreciate how low her level of professionalism.  I can only compare her to fictional characters, because I've never encountered in person another villain like her in real life.  She's the embodiment of Nurse Ratched from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" -- vicious, sadistic and cruel.  She's the embodiment of "The Simpsons" Judge Constance Harm -- ice cold and needlessly harsh.  She's a lamb in the flock of Kali, the bloodthirsty Hindu goddess who sports a belt adorned with decapitated human heads.  Hansen IS the Queen of Hearts from "Alice in Wonderland" -- a boorish narcissist deluded by grandeur, and entirely wanting for such human traits as empathy, decency and common courtesy...a bully with a big chip on her shoulder, cruising along on an all-inclusive power trip -- all expenses paid by John Q. Public.

I don't know whom she hoodwinked into making 
the original and terrible decision to appoint her to the bench to begin with...
but today in the here and now 
Hansen's own peers are telling us that
they'd pink-slip her if they could
-- and so it's up to you and me.  

Hansen is horrible, and as far from "honorable" as they come.  
This isn't some sort of slanderous revenge...because 
(1) it's not slander if it's true, and 
(2) it isn't my revenge -- it's my civic duty.
At the end of the day, I hope voters will
do the right thing and give her the bum's rush.

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