Spydra's Web: Fakin' the funk

Reprinted from May 2011 in recognition of Black History Month [BHM].

Obama is as fake as Romney -- VOTE RON PAUL!!!!!

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A quarter of a century ago, when I was 19, a black woman I worked with introduced me to cocaine; I was instantly enamored of it...and unlike the blacked-out memories of my young drunken twenties, I will never forget the six-month free-fall that followed my very first time -- kinda like base-jumping.

No doubt, I could have found what I was looking for pretty much anywhere in town; you just need to know where to look. But being newly acquainted with such things, the 'hood was the only place I knew...and so, I'd go. Having grown up in a predominantly white world, my excursions to the 'hood were like mini-field trips abroad, a sort of anthropological immersion crash-course.

You know, what we refer to as "the 'hood" here in Colorado Springs is the SUBURBS, FOOLS. I got my first *real* exposure to a *real* 'hood when we were in Albany, New York...and while it was a bit scary at first -- a bit moreso at night -- the people there were no different from you, from me; it was not a frightening experience. The black people there were like black people are everywhere -- rich in culture and humor and soul. But then, so are white people...so are ALL PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.

(aside: EXCEPT for the people who live in the scariest place I've ever been: the economical, social, emotional, and spiritual wasteland they call "Stratmoor Valley" in unincorporated Colorado Springs -- now that's a Ghetto, friends.)

Every 12-step program teaches that we are equals in our addictions, and here it was true: these were not the distant and unknowable blacks of high school...the ones who'd always shunned me for acting "too white." For the first and only time in my life, I was in a primarily black world, surrounded by black people who accepted me at face value..and it was cool, both *because* of the drugs and *in spite* of the drugs.

I loved seeing what I perceived to be an unspoken unity amongst black people, each of us joined together by our history, hunger and hue. I reveled in being a part of and one of them, watching and listening...learning from them with bemused interest.

I'd engage people in idle chit-chat whilst waiting on the man; there were times when I didn't even understand what people were saying to me, because of slang and dialect, and I'd have to ask for translation. Vividly, I remember the first time I heard the following term, which I will first spell phonetically:

A Salaam Malikum.

Certain of the men would greet each other uttering those words and shaking each other's hands. "What does it mean," I asked. A man who described himself as a Black Muslim loosely translated it for me as me as "peace, my brotha"...like "shalom" I suppose. He'd recently converted to the religion, which he claimed encouraged black men to be the strong heads of their households, and taught their women to keep their heads covered - right...whateva.

I understood it as just a colloquialism...an affectation taken on by converts, in an effort to be taken seriously. I noticed that most of the people spoke the words as though they were a foreign language, and few knew how to respond when greeted thusly. Indeed, I still don't.

It was also during this time that I came to understand why it's o.k. for black people to use the "n-word" and "negro" in and amongst ourselves -- again, the "one of us" mentality.

Let's move to the here and now.

Three examples of true, black leaders: Martin Luther King, Jr. Malcolm X. Dr. Alan Keyes. Each of them unashamed to be descended of American black slaves; each of them born of black, Christian, American parents; each of them come of age in love and rage for this glorious land called America.

Barack Hussein Obama is like none of those men. His occasional forays into black basketball theatre aside, Obama doesn't act very black to me -- certainly not very American. He keeps telling us "yes we can, yes we can" -- I know, nigga, I know -- now tell me somethin' I don't!

Black people -- particularly the proudly-black-enough and liberal NAACP types -- keep pretending to be unaware of the tall, brown, listless elephant in the room called Obama; but we need to face the music while there's still time to take the needle off the record.

What positive change has Obama affected for Americans in general, and for blacks in particular (no credit for the death of Osama Bin Laden lie!)?

That's right...nunca.

I've always frowned on the term "African-American." I mean, my mom is from Holland, making me a Dutch-African-American...but what if I also had some Ogwalla in me? In what order ought they be listed...and why, when used in this sense, is "African" treated as a nationality? Why does "American" always come last?

"I'm a Danish Aborigean African American."

Come on.

It is proper to be proud of our ancestry; but Africa was a long, long time ago, folks, and a continent away. In the hour of our wintry discontent, it is crucial that we remember it is the nation of our birth that binds us all together in these United States of America.
I challenge you to watch and listen to the video, which perfectly explains the whole "Natural Born" issue.

About a third of the way through the "natural born" video, my eyes actually rolled back in my head -- and in case you're wondering, the group Obama's addressing IS NOT The Nation of Islam. Obama's Islamic pronunciation is hella good, and damn if he can't tell you all about what "the Holy Qur'an" says.

"Yeah, well, that's because I was raised Muslim before converting to my Christian faith of today." SURE.

White people, black people, ALL people who refuse to look at this man honestly are wearing blinders! Especially with this Israel thing now...right on the heels of Osama Bin Laden? Nigga please, ask yourselves honestly, why do you keep giving him the benefit of the doubt?

That's working on the assumption that perhaps you've at least once doubted him...because there are those who believe in him fully -- my parents, for example; I continue to be amazed by their blind and passionate faith in Obama's every word and belief in his every deed.

God bless America!
I love America!
Long live America!

Obama is not black like me, nor is he American like me. He doesn't come from black people like me, and he doesn't come from America like me. He doesn't love black people like I love black people, and he doesn't love American people like I love America people, either.

Indeed, Obama is un-American...anti-American. He is a fake with bad intentions, and a poser...an outlander, an alien, and a liar.

When you *really* love, you *really* love...the good, the bad, and the ugly, and warts and all. America is my fatherland and my motherland, and I don't like the way Obama be talkin' 'bout my mama.

We need to wake up and smell the coffee, friends and understand the ramifications of allowing an usurper to act as our president!

I guess all I'm saying is that I felt more of a sense of kinship and belonging from a bunch of crack heads than Barack Hussein Obama. Depending on how you decide to look at things, Obama is either the FAKEST MOFO IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD...or he's the Real McCoy -- Barry Mustafa McCoy, that is.