Saturday, August 14, 2010

Board Meeting Cliff's Notes

Wow, can it already be Back-to-School time?  With the Colorado Springs School District 11 Weekly Board Meeting back in regular session, it would appear the answer is “yes.” 

Back-to-School time is also a great time for fun cook-outs; right about now seems like a fine time for a quick little weenie roast.

Here, then, is my synopsis of Wednesday night’s meeting – enjoy.

Of course, President Strand was and is still absent with leave.  I feel for Mr. and Mrs. Strand, and pray for Mrs. Strand’s wellness. 

Isn’t it crazy how one man’s heartache can be another gal’s big break.

As the world’s foremost Janologist, I tend to study her minutely (indeed, I am in the midst of and readying an all-new post devoted entirely to her…so watch for it, because it’s a keeper).

Watching her now as she channels a bygone Alexander Haig reminds me of a spaz Chihuahua or toy poodle – frenzied, and a bit atremble…jumping about so flippin’ excited, and for no readily identifiable reason.

It IS the reason such pooches are often referred to as “Kick Me Dogs.”

But why? Is her campaign in need of the perfect 10-second sound byte?  Is she popping white-crosses?   Taking performance-enhancing steroids?  Does she suffer from an overactive bladder?  Or might there be a terrified gerbil trying to escape the confines of her butt?  I mean, Geeeze – Where Is The Fire, Jan?

(Note:  I WILL end up feeling HELLA guilty if I ever come to learn it is all due to the real risk she might wet herself…and so please – anyone able to shine a brighter light on this issue is encouraged to contact me.)

I'll admit, I was a little flummoxed when I got my first look at Jan’s white sleeveless chemise…looking like she was dressed and ready for some high-profile HWAWF event  (Hungarian Women’s Arm-Wrestling Federation).  I knew it was funny, but again, had trouble putting into words the reasons why.

As per usual -- and after only the most cursory of glances -- my husband summed up Jan’s look neatly: 

Billie. Jean. King.

Thank you, my keen-eyed better-half.

Look, I don’t know who’s dressing Jan, but he/she is Sheer Genius In Motion.  Because of the support I have for Jan and her Race for the Colorado House, I do hope she’ll consider giving that person a raise and a promotion; even better, perhaps her stylist can begin coordinating the attire for every member of Jan’s election committee. 

Moving on to Gledich.  Man…like Fox Mulder, I WANT TO BELIEVE, really I do. I just can’t stop WISHING Gledich was a real Regular Joe just like the one he tries to portray…just like the one he most definitely is not.  He had me going again this week, until delivering his Superintendent’s Report -- which was like listening to the small print being read at the end of a Ronco advertisement. 

It was a bit of a letdown not to see either Sandra Mann or Charlie Bobbitt. 

Al Loma was there…and I’m just gonna go ahead and say it now: though I still believe he is a good man, sometimes I have a hard time discerning where Mr. Loma stands on some issues – is he one of us, or one of THEM?  I sometimes find myself with the same vague misgivings for Bob Null, though the soft spot I have for him remains to this day. 

I started to write about Glenn, but it grew to be so long that it will simply have to be an upcoming post of its own. 

He was noticeably leaner, however…his hair just a bit sun-kissed…


Because I came in right at the very end of his Number Dissertation, this is my only comment on Glenn at this time:  Nice tie.

Regardless of my individual beefs with this one and that, it was good to see all of my imaginary friends in TeeVee Land again…mostly. 

(Oh-oh, here it comes…as always, Ms. Spydra’s big “but.”)  And this week’s Big Butt award goes to…LuAnn Long

I swear, this woman makes me yearn for the vapid Tami Hasling. I simply could not believe what I was hearing or seeing, though I did so with my own ears and eyes:  LuAnn sniping openly and gratuitously at Director Null  for daring to inconvenience the Board with one of his pesky whatchacallits…um, oh yeah, questions

Concluding that he talks way too much for far too long, LuAnn’s Hurry-Up-I’m-HUNGRY rant ended with her musing aloud if a roll of duct tape might fix Bob and his alleged jabber-jaw.

Not just once; she sniped at Bob in this manner at least twice, if not three times.

You’d think that with the thousand-year reign she’s enjoyed as a Paid District 11 Groupie, she’d know by now that meetings often run long  -- and it was only 11:05; either the woman has no stamina, or she needs to pack a bigger lunchbox.

(um…by the way…when will the District again be accepting applications for Fawning D11 Shill? Cuz Sista Girl needs a Job).

Better yet, taping LuAnn’s mouth shut with duct tape might be a more affordable alternative to wiring her jaw shut or stapling hers stomach into fifths.  Clearly, she needs help in fighting her obvious food addiction; it can’t hurt, it’s fully reversible…and after all, she’s never once uttered a single word that could be defined as a meaningful contribution to any discussion of the Board. 

“I have no comments, I agree with Director Tanner, I have nothing to say, and so see, I’m done speaking already, don’t you wish you were a more efficient Board Director like me…” 

Is she tripping?!? How dare that silly bitch! 


Here is gospel, friends:  LuAnn Long is nothing more than Jan Tanner’s fat hand-puppet – I mean, talk about useless…and call me an obese-O-phobe if you will, but it has been disgusting to watch LuAnn as she French-kissses her BFF Jan’s ass – I’m talking with tongue, and right there in public! – in exchange for the free Scooby Pizza Snacks Jan slips her under the table.

I am, right here and right now, offering my services to personally duct-tape wrap LuAnn’s fat trap shut, gratis.

And that’s all I have for today – toodles!

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