Saturday, September 25, 2010

Get it?

Mark Barna has relied twice now upon the same cheap gimmick in less than a month:  [example: "What do Christian and porno movies have in common?"]

Question:  "What do Barry Noreen, Mike Jones, and Rich Tosches all have in common?"

-- Answer:  "That d__ck Barna sittin' next to them."

What.  I mean, it's not really funny so much...but it sorta makes awkward sense, right?  Well, it does, right?!?

*Shrug*  Don't blame me -- he's the professional.  They call me Spydra, not Groucho.

So, anyway...sistagirl needs a job, so I've been brushing up my Barnique.  Here's one I just made up: 

Question:  What do spiders and elephants have in common?

-- Answer:  They're both fabled of possessing incredible memories.

See?  It's not really funny either, and seems a little pointless; I made-up the spider fact altogether.  This is all a complex and clever writer's mechanism known as a Barnalanation.

That "incredible memories" part up there is just one of an infinite number of possible Barnalanations; here's another:

-- Answer:  Elephants store their memories in the ivory of their tusks, and spiders store theirs in their spinnarets. 

Get it (?)  I mean, it's just as plausible as the concept of storing their memories in their brains, right?  But then, what do I know

Besides, it's not called a spider's called a in, "When Spydra put on the scary mask and grass skirt, I eyed the spear nervously...wondering 'Has she gone and lost her plumb spider mind??'"

So, Barnal Theory says this would be a good place to use a diversion device, such as a disjointed statistic, blatant change of subject, digression, or I-wish-I-believed-in-God-but-I-don't-and-that-makes-me-mad-and-so-I-hate-you dribulum.  One of Tosches Tenets even allows for something called "poetic license"...which confers on its user the power to just go and make up words altogether.  I mean, this is all shop talk, ya know...and probably boring for you; but these literary genres are on today's cutting edge of' if I practice and git fluent in 'em, well, maybe ol' spydragurl here might can evengo and git her one of 'em jobbie things.

So...I digress:

I think it's amazing that elephants are capable of weeping...of crying actual tear drops; unlike crocodiles and Jan Tanner (see?).  I think it's amazing when I see a picture of a fish or a bird all caught in a spider's web...I mean, a li'l creepy, right? 

OK, a proper Barnacle always ends with a deft stroke and/or twist of irony. 

I think it's a shame how short some of our memories really are...and how gullible and complacent we all can sometimes be.  In such cases, a walk down memory lane can help clear the cobwebs.  But a good, long walk down memory lane is just too important and simply too enjoyable an activity to just go and diminish it hanging off some icky Barnacle.  

And so  with this, I bring to a close my Barnesque thesis;   JJJ awaits me anon, just a few short steps down Memorie Avenue...

ciao, babies

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