Look both ways

Life has gone on since moving away from the Adams neighborhood, but parts of my heart linger there.  Driving past the area causes a lump to form in my throat...and I feel the loss of everything so keenly.

When I return for my rare visits, it is a noteworthy event; I sit and visit with this friend and that, catching up and LAFFING about our men, and our families...I mean, LAFFING.  And so it was today...the weather lovely and the conversation sublime and hilarious; my grown up friends and I actually determined to share a few libations together...an extremely rare event for me. 

The weather, and the sky, and the moment and the laughter was all so beautiful; I, too, was lovely, like the day...and gazing out over the lower Adams field...taking in the view that had always brought me such happiness and had filled me with such purpose...I felt supremely happy. 

A stop to find the dropped cigarettes, and then another exasperated search for the keys.  I went to the front door and looked out to see a small pickup truck applying its brakes hard...smoke rising from the asphalt and the tires screeching.  My eyes traveled to see what the driver was seeing:  my friend's three year old grand-daughter in the middle of the street, looking questioningly into the face of a child that stood on the opposite sidewalk. 

I heard the thud of the impact and the thud of her fall.  "Oh my God," I screamed and covered my eyes.

The baby's mother looked at me and said, "What...?"  Then, the dawning; she screamed in crescendo "oh my Baby," and ran from the house into the street, cradling her bruised and bleeding daughter in her arms.  Shock and fear coursed through the little girl, and she began to scream...terrified of the firemen who examined her...

My friend and I looked at each other across the road...right before she jumped in her vehicle to follow her granddaughter, "la Merde," our eyes sighed when they met, "all changed in the blink of an eye."

At last word, the little girl is ok. 

I was the only one who saw it happen.  It was so weird to look out of the front door and watch it happen;  I was the only one who saw the accident happen, and  for a strange moment, I felt that I'd somehow caused the accident...punishment for being naughty the day before.

No, said a friend, you didn't cause it; but you were meant to witness it.

Sometimes, all we can do is watch...and try always to look both ways.

And that was my 2010 September 11th eve.