Monday, July 20, 2015

All that jive

Originally posted 5/11/10
I took it down a while ago 
because I was feeling nice 
but I don't feel so nice anymore
so have a couple of laughs
because this one never stops being funny

You can put lipstick on a pig...
but would you want to kiss it?

It does seem a strange human tendency to present a pretty picture, even when things ain't exactly so.

Why do people always feel the need to gussy up a sow? 

The other night, I watched the encore presentation of Wednesday’s Colorado Springs School District 11’s Board of Educators “work session”; it’d be more accurate to call it the "Weekly Parade of Lies”…and when I say “lie,” I’m talking the jaw-dropping, bald-faced, well-shut-my-mouth variety; the sort that forever alters how you see a person, and making you wonder a while about the fibber.

IBob Null told a doozee at the end of that meeting…a whopper; a lie so blatant, I’m not sure I can ever even look him in the eyes again.  Indeed, his bad behavior brought about this group-wide constructive critique, and I hope he gets all kinds of wedgies from his associates for drawing my close attention.

Bob not only lied and left Charlie hanging, but added insult to injury by inviting him to “revisit history.”  I’ll bet Charlie’s too busy to go there, and really – what’s the point, since history’s forever repeating itself.  But I bet Charlie’s memory serves him well enough; I know mine often serves me too well…

This is a pretty mean post, but oh what.  It's not nearly as mean as the some of the people I wrote about herein, so take with you what you will from this lung-clearing, oxygen-laden, pull-no-punches follow-up to “The Law of Kindness” I posted seven months ago.

“if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

 (in alphabetical order by last name)

Charlie Bobbitt – when the schools were being closed, he took it upon himself to actually walk the proposed routes, putting himself in the shoes of the kids – and I thought that was totally awesome; unafraid to be a party of one.

UPDATE:  I’ll bet that, excepting D11 nerds, the greatness of this man has gone unnoticed by the vast majority of the people of Colorado Springs.  I cannot say enough good about the man.

Nick Gledich - such a steady and impressive leader; so approachable by and gracious to the everyday man - the Board worked well together in selecting him, and the District is fortunate to have him.

UPDATE: When I brought Jan Tanner’s pizza gig to his attention, I prepared for months, and met with him in person; and he was all smiles as he showed me to his office.  But I’ll tell you what, and I’ll tell you true, for I done seen it with my own two eyes: that Florida boy appeared plumb seasick as he tallied up the numbers and multiplied them by the years. But I guess Jan’s pizza contains Dramamine, because in the end, he was a sea-farin’ jazzy Jan Tanner tap-dancin’ jive turkey.  The last time I saw him was during a meeting at Hunt, and that time, he didn’t look quite as happy to see me.

To be perfectly honest, the moment I heard he was from Florida*, I figured he was likely a Tanner-teamster and CASB wonk…and though I gave him every benefit of every doubt, all he’s done is reaffirm them. What a difference – and disappointment – a school-year makes. 

Glenn Gustafsonwizard of numbers, architect of words, confident public speaker, seemingly flame-resistant and bullet-proof – I’ve often wondered what his D#11 teachers and classmates thought of him.

UPDATE:  There’s a long-running inside joke in my family about Mom and all of her many, many boyfriends.  Most of mine hail from TeeVeeLand, but since I’m bad with names, it can get a little confusing; for instance, when someone says “There goes Mom’s “Lost” boyfriend,” it could be any one of a dozen fellas.

Other boyfriends are easier to identify.  Bob Saget is "Mom's Triple XXX Boyfriend."  When anyone mentions “Mom’s Evil Boyfriend”, we all know we’re talking about former Vice President Dick Cheney.  Rahm Emmanuel is “Mom’s Evil Jewish Boyfriend.” Murray Basinger is “Mom’s Adams Boyfriend” -- also known as Yellowman…while Glenn is “Mom’s Evil District Eleven Boyfriend”...also known as “Mom’s Math Boyfriend.”

Definitely a love/hate thang going on here: like every boyfriend, he can talk some mean jive; but he’s a terrible dancer, and I’ve already complained about his tendency to hypmotize the masses before having his way with us. His love for political machinations -- no matter how painful or ruthless -- led him to close down his own alma mater, Irving Middle School, and HE IS FOREVER LYING.

On the plus side, though, he smells just like freshly printed cash, and he’s positively smarter than smart.  I can’t begin to imagine what all occupies his mind -- besides interest rates and Bejeweled -- but I’ll bet he’s hella complicated.  

Setting up a small investment portfolio for a certain spider would absolve him of many sins {HINT} --  and though he’s likely a lost cause, I pray for him nonetheless, as he’s the only one of my evil boyfriends with even a shred of hope for repentance.   REPENT, GLENN, REPENT -- BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!

Al Loma – misunderstood Latino man of God, period.

LuAnn Long – I react to her in only two ways; either by laughing or gagging.  Every comment she makes starts out one of two ways:  "Well, in my 500 years of involvement with District Eleven..." or "I agree with Director Tanner" -- truly, she parrots the Tanner birdsong like a broken record,  Superficially, her clothes are WHACK, and she resembles Jabba the Hut...and though she's clearly Jan's willing lapdog, I'd put money down that Jan only tolerates her because being seen next to her makes Jan look a lot hotter.

Sandra MannI grew up watching her report the news, and she lives on the same street where I was raised. Strikes me as open-minded, curious, candid and genuine.

UPDATE:  While her tendency to just go with the gang has grieved me, she evenso demonstrates the endearing trait of speaking before she thinks -- which has at times results in some accidentally candid questions and answers.

Bob NullOld-school, old fashioned, disciplined, conservative, courageous, congenial, straightforward and sincere; in some ways, he reminds me of the late, great Bob Isaac.

UPDATE:  Did I say that??  Jeez, I can’t even claim my words were taken out of context, or misquoted.  *sigh*

Several people gave me a heads up regarding statements Bob made during Wednesday’s work session.,,,but I didn’t believe them until I saw Saturday’s re-broadcast and heard it myself; I was quite chafed by the double-speak he spake, and still can’t believe he actually claimed  to have always supported closing Adams and moving its kids to Hunt – that’s not what he told me, and that’s not what he said publicly several times in various settings; this is just one example of what appear to be Bob’s bad habits of self-serving and flip-flopping. 

In closing, Bob, I never forget a favor or a betrayal; as such, you are hereby put on notice that your Spydra immunity expired when you stabbed my man Charlie in the back.

Mike Poore – such an energetic, convincing and well-dressed speaker; makes a good first and lasting impression.

UPDATE:  A jive talker, like the rest of the Deputy Superintendent Posse, but the only one with rhythm.

Tom Strand - growing up, I always wanted to be an attorney (though I’m glad I’m not one now)…so he gets what-I-wanted-to-be-when-I-grew-up points; understands the complicated written word, and has a perfect voice for radio.

UPDATE:  I get the impression that Tom didn’t understand the magnitude of the headache he signed up for; no doubt it’s a far cry from those Pikes Peak Restorative Justice Council love-ins.

Jan Tannerwhen I think about the homespun manner in which she speaks, she reminds me of Sarah Palin. Youthful…and I admire that she’s raced to the top of Pikes Peak many times.

UPDATE:  I attended a meeting at Hunt to go and take a listen to Gledich, and was running a little late.  My ride dropped me and my computer/camera gear off, and I trudged inside the building.  Looking down at my feet as I approached the gymnasium entrance, I eventually looked up and directly into the face of Jan Tanner -- I mean, we were THISCLOSE.  

In that split second, everything fell away, and there was just she and me in the universe.  She's the only one who has any idea of how far up her butt a certain spider has been...and even then:  Jan's no spider, so she also remains unsure of how far up a determined spider might have reached.   suffice it to say, we'd find plenty to talk about.  Our eyes met, and an ocean of words unspoken passed between us; anything, absolutely anything could have happened -- we could have started cat-fighting or kissing, THAT'S HOW CLOSE WE WERE, PEOPLE.  

But I must admit, I choked in the clutch...and unable to think of anything provocative and clever to say, I just frowned and stepped past her and into gym.  I only realized in retrospect what I should have said:  "BITCH BETTA HAVE MY MONEY!"

Because re-opening the schools she helped to close is unlikely {read: ain't gonna happen}, the only way I will ever stop writing about Jan is if she gives me that $16,000 I asked for; in case you've forgotten, it's just 10% of the money she made off of her pizza contract with District Eleven in 2008-2009...and that contract has been in place for more than a decade -- do the math...we're talking over $1,000,000 -- ONE MILLION DOLLAR$!!!

It's not as if she can't afford it, and it's not as though I haven't earned it...and man, that money sure would come in handy right about now for my family -- it would certainly put a roof over our heads.  Like I've already said, I NEVER forget a favor...and can be sooooo discreet; heck, to hedge her bets, she could make it into some kind of living trust that only pays in installments contingent upon me keeping my part of the bargain.  Jan's an accountant -- I'll bet she knows how to do that living trust stuff {pssst, Jan, I bank at TCF}...

Damn y'all, Jan and I are down at the crossroads, Robert Johnson style -- think about how the Devil enabled his fingers and guitar; if Jan would only do her part,  doesn't she understand how I would write about her???  But then, if Jan was smart enough to make such a smart investment in both of  of our futures, she'd also be smart enough to heed my advice and STOP WITH THE ORANGE BLOUSES ALREADY; alas...

So, since I am devoted to and will never half-step on the topic of Mrs. Tanner, I'll say only this:  watch for my upcoming post about Jan and all her dough, entitled "A Noid." 

Mary Thurmandriven, determined, prepared and brainy - she knows her stuff.

UPDATE:  I still resent her involvement in the school closures and boundary re-do, but she’s always well-prepared in both dress and schtick.  Ya know, Kris Odom’s style works for Kris, and she’s no dumb blonde (though a reader did suggest she broaden her slacks inventory, which seems to consist of a single white pair); but if Tanner is at all serious about her lofty political ambitions, Thurman’s the one she should mimic.

School District #11- To wax numerological, it is half of my lucky number 22; my direct family members have attended 5 of its elementary schools, 2 of its middle schools, and one of its high schools – 8, like the legs of a spider. The place where Mrs. Sutton granted me my poetic license; the place where I first made friends and enemies and fell in love. To me, it is synonymous with “Colorado Springs,” and I am easily brought to tears simply by looking at old photos of its schools. I am more than an acquaintance, more than just a friend – it is a part of me, and I of it. I am its grateful offspring, and will always love and revere it with a child’s wonder.

UPDATE:  My son is graduating in May, and I just learned commencement is at the World Arena.  So, I want to know, whose big, bright idea was it to hold these exercises INSIDE??  WHY???  Especially when the District has GARY BERRY STADIUM?  What the hell is going on here??  I mean, I simply fail to comprehend even a little bit why such an event -- occurring on a warm and sunny early summer's day -- wouldn't take place outside, unless it was raining/snowing/sleeting, etc. -- and if it starts doing that at the end of May, people, then it's probably also snowing in Hell and THE END IS NEAR.   

Now, perhaps this practice has been going on for a lot longer than I realize...but when the Palmer Terrors of '85 graduated, we did it at Gary Berry Stadium.   I resent the very thought of my son's graduation ceremony pictures being taken indoors, under artificial light.  Yet another example of the District wasting the best of its assets and all of our money.  How very sad...and I mean SAD.  

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