I'm coming out

Originally posted 1/21/2011

Well, hello everyone and good morning to you all.

I have an announcement to make.

For some time now, I have felt...deep down inside...that I am a spider, trapped inside of a woman's body.

Though my parents have assured me that I always seemed to be a normal baby, and did not at any time indicate any arachnoid behaviors throughout my youth, it doesn't matter to me; I have no doubt that I was born this way.

Yes, I have had sexual encounters with various sundry humans -- and indeed, occasionally still do; I married my husband...and gave birth to our four children, before I realized what truly lies beneath.

I have lived my life as a woman this whole time because of the spider-hatred that runs rampant in our society.  I mean, spiders need love, too...and can you imagine, coming out of the closet and announcing your true self to a bunch of hopeless arachnophobes?

Living in fear from bullies, wouldn't you, too, keep it a secret?

And so, for all this time, I have led a lie.

And I am tired of lying.

I'm coming out.

I apologize to my parents, and to my husband and to my children for any shock and dismay that may come from what I am about to say, but...I've decided to take things to the next level.

It's simply no longer enough to dress as a spider, and make myself up to be a spider...I'm tired of pretending to be something other than what I really am...

So, and as such, I am preparing to undergo surgery to have an additional pair of arms and legs attached to my body;  I have also scheduled spinnaret implantation for my nether regions.

Afterward, some of you may look on me with horror...some of you may see me as a freak -- it just goes to show how narrow-minded, shallow and insipid you are.

Perhaps I'll not be accepted by either humans or spiders...in which case you will ALL be HELLA guilty of SPIDER HATE CRIMES.

Like it or lump it, friends...I'm Here, I'm Weird, Get Used To It.

Everybody pretend with me!

* * * * * * * *

irreverently inspired by this thought:

With all of the pink ribbons and breast cancer awareness out there...and women making the agonizing decision to have double mastectomies because of fear of cancer...

HOW IS IT THAT ANY OF US ARE PRETENDING IT'S NORMAL WHEN A WOMAN CLAIMING TO BE A MAN TRAPPED IN WOMAN'S BODY VOLUNTARILY HAS HER BREASTS REMOVED???

HMMMMMMM?  

OR A MAN SAYS SOMETHING OF A SIMILAR EFFECT, AND HAS HIS PENIS CUT OFF???

THIS IS NORMAL, FOLKS????

WELL, I'M COMING OUT TO CALL THIS WHAT IIS:

BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Call me selfish...but personally, my ability to urinate and have an orgasm are so important to me that there is no way I would risk having some quack doctor tell me, "Oops," especially in light of all the many, many MANY mistakes that the "doctors"at Childrens Hospital Memorial made on my 10-year-old son trying UNSUCCESSFULLY to diagnose and treat his bacterial stomach infection -- it's only because of ME that he's even alive and not stuck with a lifelong colostomy bag...which is exactly what would have happened had the "doctors" been able to convince me that his disorder was behavioral!!!

might want to check, double check, and triple check before you let anyone -- including yourself -- convince you that you are something that you're not!!

My apologies to those gay cheerleaders out there shouting down "reparative therapy"...but if it was me...or my child...or MY loved one...I'D BE SURE TO EXPLORE ALL OPTIONS!!